The guided tour of the Paramount Studios offers special effects. It's strictly a down-to-earth, realistic tram & walking tour of the studio's sprawling back lot.

The tour takes a full two hours, and barely scratches the surface of the numerous buildings and sound stages that make up the 62-acre studio.

But after taking the tour, I'm sorry to report that I found it somewhat disappointing.

It's hard to believe that anyone could make a tour of the historic Paramount Studios boring, but our tour guides managed to do just that.

In fact, since I thought that perhaps our original guide might be to blame for our less-than-satisfactory tour experience, I went back and took the tour a second time recently (several years after my first time) to make certain. Alas, both experiences were a letdown.

[Click on the small photos to see larger images.]

Of course, if you're a movie buff, just being on the famous Paramount lot is something of a thrill in itself. The history of the studio is nothing short of dazzling (as you can glimpse in a hightlight film shown to guests at the start of the tour.)

But during the tour but we were allowed to peek inside only two or three buildings. We spent most of the two hours simply walking aimlessly through the narrow streets and alleyways between the huge sound stages, offices and construction buildings. While the movie magic that takes place inside these walls might be intriguing, the blank, white exteriors of these barn-like structures have about as much charm as factory warehouses.

Our first tour started out with a quick peek inside a musty warehouse where they had stashed a number of large, ghoulish graveyard props from the last "Addams Family" movie. (Our second tour didn't even give us this much - it only allowed us a quick glimpse through the door of an empty sound stage.)

Our first tour guide then tried to take us to a rehearsal of "Cheers," which sounded promising, but when we arrived at the sound stage, we found it empty and deserted. Not even the familiar "Cheers" bar set was up! Our guide had to apologize... so much for advance planning. (That same "Cheers" set is now on public display at the Hollywood Entertainment Museum.)

On our more recent tour, our guide tried to take us inside to see the "Fraiser" set, but gave up after learning that they were rehearsing...

The first guide stopped at several other locations he thought we'd enjoy, but those plans of his also fell through, and eventually I could sense that our guide was at a loss to find something interesting to show us.

He really didn't have a gift for public speaking (they evidently don't provide the poor guy with a script), and his improvised monologue was strained and rambling; his grasp of Paramount history spotty at best. He walked much too fast for many in the crowd, and didn't seem to realize that tour group couldn't hear his commentary when he had his back turned towards us.

(The second tour guide walked at a reasonable pace and faced us when speaking, but was given to lapses in memory and displayed a noticable lack of knowledge about the history of the studio. Obviously, Paramount is not doing a good job of training their guides.)

Eventually, in our first tour, we did manage to catch a few minutes of rehearsal for "Wings," sitting in the bleachers where the studio audience would sit during final taping. (During the second tour, however, an attempt to go inside the "Becker" set fell through and we never did manage to even see a working set.)

During both tours, we paused at "Lucy Park," a small green patch of lawn from the days when this southwest section of the Paramount lot belonged to Desilu Studios.

(This area also includes a building that served as the high school in "Happy Days," and the tree where Greg puffed on his first cigarette in a memorable episode of "The Brady Bunch.")

On our first tour, we passed by a number of production offices including Gary Goldberg's Ubu Productions ("Sit, Ubu, sit!"), and Eddie Murphy's upstairs offices. (Neither office was pointed out during our second tour.)

Then we stopped at "The Company Store," a gift shop where we were given more than a few minutes to browse, and encouraged to spend more of our money on touristy Paramount souvenirs. (On the second tour, the store experience had been moved up on the itinerary - it's now where you first buy your tickets.)

Next, we spent a some time rummaging through Paramount's dusty Prop Department. This might have been a high spot for the tour, but alas, most of the props there were pretty mundane items. Despite an occasional interesting object (such as fake swords or a Trek phaser pistol), the cluttered room was mainly stocked with such forgettable items as forks & spoons, wine glasses, pottery, household sculptures, & clocks... necessary, of course, but far from the glamorous movie props you might imagine. (On our second tour, we didn't even visit the prop department.)

Another promising stop was at an editing/projection room, where sound effects are mixed in during post-production - a "foley room." The floor of this room included small floor-boxes of rocks, sand, gravel, and other materials which sound engineers could walk upon to produce the proper background sounds for a film. But as our luck would have it, when we arrived, there was no one there to help demonstrate the sound-making techniques... and once again our tour group left disappointed. (On the second tour, our guide didn't even take us to this room.)

Both tours included a stop outside the familiar Bronson gate (where the first tour guide offered to help take our photo next to the famed arch.) However, the second tour expanded this "outside the gate" experience to included a long look inside a new state-of-the-art Paramount Theatre, and a walk west along Marathon Way, past what was once an apartment building where Valentino roomed.

Both tours also took a look at "The Blue Sky," a large wall painted to resemble a typical sky with hazy clouds. Below it is a sunken parking lot area which can be flooded and used as a mock ocean. In the past, it's been used for such scenes as the whale rescue in "Star Trek IV," the boat chase in "Patriot Games" and the parting of the Red Sea in "The Ten Commandments." But despite that interesting history, it still looks very much like... a parking lot.

The second tour guide told us about the past history of the area just south of the "Blue Sky" wall. Until the late 70's, it was formerly Paramount's "Western Set," a full-scale Old West town used for the production of both "Bonanza" and "Little House on the Prairie." (Back then, a mountain was painted on the blue sky to provide a more rustic background.) Alas, this western town is long gone, replaced by more sound stages and offices. But there are some B&W photos on display to let you see how it used to look.

Not surprisingly, on our first tour we saw no movies being filmed here, no movie stars, and few real movie sets. Unlike other studios, Paramount seems to have few permanent outdoor sets or colorful streets on the lot.

The lone exception is "New York Street," a large block of mock brownstones used for filming movies like "Ghost" and "Sister Act," as well as TV shows like "I Love Lucy," "Brooklyn Bridge" and "The Untouchables." (Knock on these bricks and you'll discover that they're hollow.) At 67,000 square feet, it's the largest such set in Hollywood. One very familiar spot on this New York "street" is the old basement apartment shared by "Laverne & Shirley."

Our second tour guide also showed us several New York Street buildings used for exterior shots on "Seinfeld," including Jerry's apartment building and the "Soup Nazi's" storefront kitchen (however, an episode of Bob Villa's "Home Again" reported that the "Soup Nazi" storefront is at CBS Studio Center - so it looks like someone has their wires crossed - probably the tour guide.)

As well as the brownstone exterior of Ally McBeal's apartment.

And although we saw no stars on our first tour, on our return visit we were rewarded with an actual celebrity sighting. As we were passing by the outside of the sound stage where "Star Trek: Voyager" is filmed, we chanced upon several cast members standing around outside, having a cup of coffee during a break - some of them still in their Star Fleet uniforms. I recognized ‘Chakotay’ (Robert Beltran), ‘Seven-of-Nine’ (Jeri Lynn Ryan) and I believe the holographic Doctor (Robert Picardo). Our guide mentioned that it's a fairly common sight for these tour groups. The "Star Trek" set itself is off-limits to visitors.

But that was an exception. 90% of the tour is spent simply walking through plain, narrow alleyways between countless, faceless sound stages, listening to the tour guide awkwardly attempt to come up with interesting comments.

There is so much they didn't show us! During the two-hour tour, we didn't see a single movie camera, dressing room or even their costume department.

Suffice it to say, this is not a well-orchestrated tour. It seems slow & amateurish; it can be tiring and at times tedious - and the itinerary seems haphazard. There is little of the Hollywood glamour one might expect to find at Paramount Studios. The guides try to do their best, but obviously have had little training about how to make such a tour entertaining.

If this were a free tour, such spontaneity might be refreshing. But when you are each forking over $40 for the privilege, I think they owe their guests something a little more professional. Frankly, they need to get their act together - to arrange the tour so that it lets the public truly enjoy the historic surroundings that Paramount has to offer. If they are going to do a tour, they should do it right.

Of course, if you plan to take a tour of a major movie studio, I should point out that the $40 Paramount charges for admission is similar what you would pay to take the rival Warner Bros VIP Tour. Universal Studios charges even more for their less-than-authentic tour and theme park.

But at least they don't bore you.

If you have your heart set on an authentic studio tour, and you can afford it, you'll find that the superior Warner Bros VIP Tour is worth the additional expense.

As an alternative to a tour, if you're dying to get onto the lot, you might want to just go watch a live TV show being taped at this studio. You can drive yourself past the historic Bronson gate (you don't need a tour guide to show it to you), then just go to the ticket window and pick up some free tickets to the taping of your favorite sitcom. You will see the show's stars live on the set - in action, and you may see part of the studio along the way - all at absolutely no cost. The few additional points of interest that you would see on the guided tour are not really worth the added cost.

Parking: Parking is available across the street from the famous Bronson gate, in a paid lot at the corner of Bronson & Melrose. (The cost for parking was a flat $7.00 on my last visit.)

Admission Price: $48 for the two-hour guided tour. (No one under age 10 is allowed on the tour). Advance reservations are required (at 323-956-1777). Tickets to tapings of TV shows are free.

(They also offer a five hour VIP tour, once per week – on Friday mornings at 9:30 AM. The cost is $150, and it tends to sell out in advance, so reservations are essential.)

You enter through the new double-arch Paramount gate on Melrose, just west of the older Bronson gate. There is a pedestrian walkway on the right (east) side of this entrance. Stop at the booth there, and they will give you an ID wristband, and you will be led to the studio store, where you can buy your tickets for the tour.

Hours: Guided tours of the studio are given Monday through Friday, at 10 AM, 11 AM, 1 PM & 2 PM. No tours on weekends or holidays. The tours last two hours.

 Getting there: From Hollywood & Vine, go south on Vine one mile to Santa Monica Boulevard, turn left, then go east on Santa Monica Boulevard (one quarter mile) to Gower Street; turn right (south) on Gower. The studio will be on your left (east) side. / From the Hollywood Freeway, just take the Santa Monica Blvd exit, go east on Santa Monica Blvd to Gower, and turn left (south) past the west side of the studio. Go south to Melrose and make a left (east). You will see the Paramount gates on your left. Park in the lot on your right.